Crossed wires

Yesterday was a very challenging day for me. As I establish my business, and work my way through Humboldt time and Humboldt scheduling, I find myself doing most things I want to hire out entirely on my own, and then being offered suggestions by those who aren't interested in helping. The lone process is a tad bit faster than people not showing up to a work session, coming late, or working at a speed that should only require a $5 an hour wage, but at least I can count on myself. I'm finding out quite a bit about who I am, what I will accept from others, and I'm also establishing some very valuable skills and habits in the process. I'm learning to do things on my own, to enjoy them, and to let go of those who fail to understand or support what I'm doing.

I have had a bunch of positive and negative feedback from my projects in the past few weeks which I use constructively, but having men that I know and care about repeatedly tell me that people (male and women) in our community don't care for my feminist bs, or support Redwood Women's Foundation, confuses me, and confuses my interpretation of the way they feel about me. The sad truth... the emotional abuse only fuels my fire, but I recognize their insecurities.

Yesterday one of my guy friends said I needed to stop being so pushy, then another guy friend told me I'm going nowhere fast, and smoking loud with empty pockets. I have never been so irritated by two men in my whole life, and I have two teenage boys. I've paid off a home in AZ seven years ago, worked my ass off through a bachelors degree, raised two amazing kids on my own, but I'm still never gonna be enough for some people, and I accept that.I'm always gonna be a single mom, and all of the years I spent feeling bad and insecure about that, which was not necessary, does not deserve a lifetime of shame or dismissal. I am so thankful and blessed for the opportunity to have my boys, and live a life I could decide on, and to truly follow my heart.

People ask me why Redwood Women's Foundation? Why empower women? My answer, it's because even after all I've worked for, and gone through to support my children, there's always gonna be someone that looks down on independent women and mothers, and women in general, and I want them to know that women matter and can make the world a better place. Many of the women in my community are stuck in financially based relationships because they cannot make it on their own due to high rents and poor housing. We have 3 programs in our community that advocate for women who have experienced domestic violence, as well as countless local and out of area women being objectified and exploited who work in the sweatshops of the Emerald Triangle. No one wants to talk about these issues, especially women, because many are in situations they cannot control, and are desperate to provide for themselves. RWF is here to provide a productive space for all women to cultivate dreams, to learn how to get along with other women, and to support and encourage one another along the way. I hope everyone has a beautiful weekend and that you make the best of it.